Safe Word

You like it rough?

Oh, honey I will give you rough

I’ll show you how to beg for mercy

How to know fear

Safe word? You don't get that.

What I say goes,

Now put that mouth to use.

Ow?

How did that hurt

I barely pulled your hair

Now get on top

Is that all you’ve got

You must not want it

Then show it

Do I have to take over already?

We just started

You must not be trying that hard

Shut up, and be a good girl

But first,

Put that mouth to use.

Never Forget

They say you never forget

Your first.

You never forget the first moment

You felt vulnerable

The moment they were the world

And you weren't theirs

The times you began to second guess

Everything you were, you loved

You kept your heart  locked away until the “right” person

Came and weaved you a bed of lies and deceit

For you to pour your heart and soul into

And lay your tired head on at night

Until everything you knew and suffered

resurfaced and you are solely a gaping scar that

Burns and hasn't healed and you don't know how to trust because you find yourself always

ALWAYS

Asking “what if?”

What if this isn't the answer

What if I made a mistake?

But you can't go back because of all the good things,

because too many good times happened.

Because you gave into the bed of lies and hurt

and betrayal until you became a cohort of destruction.

But every time you look into their eyes you can't imagine

A different future because this is you

and this is you with them

This is now and why fear life when it is happening now?

“Stop existing, and just live”

Oh right, I forgot to take another breath. It's hard to do this.

Broken

“Don’t touch that, you’ll make it worse!”

I struggle to grab and it but it slips through

My shaking fingers

I want to hold it

And pick up the pieces so that

I might be the one to put it all back together

Like the vase I broke when I was five

“That is why you don’t touch what’s not yours!”

My grandma chastises me

as I cry tears of desperation

Because all I wanted was to be elegant

like that old woman I saw

Across the room

when we had Sunday brunch.

I think of this as I stare into its cold, dead eyes

And slowly panic overtakes my frozen body as I

Plan escape from this situation

I close my eyes, my hands fall silent

And I accept its truth as mine.

I pick up what is left of my glass heart,

Look them in their burning sights one last time,

And smile for my last portrait